Supporting a child who is struggling with school attendance or exhibiting school refusal can be a challenging and emotional experience for both parents and children. School refusal is often linked to anxiety, emotional distress, or other underlying issues, and it’s crucial to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. It can be difficult to know where to start and what options you have available to you and your family.

I’ve put together my Top 10 Strategies to help your child navigate these difficulties and regain confidence in school. To support you in taking the first steps, I’ve included some Action Steps under each section.

#1: Understand the Root Cause

School refusal is rarely about not wanting to attend school for the sake of it. It often stems from anxiety, bullying, learning difficulties, or even social fears. It can also stem from a mental health diagnosis, such as Autism and ADHD. This is just as confusing and difficult for your child as it is for you. Talk to your child calmly and openly about why they are resistant to going to school. Some children may not fully understand their feelings, so give them time and space to express themselves.

**Action Step:** Encourage your child to share specific experiences that make them anxious or uncomfortable. Avoid dismissing their concerns and instead validate their feelings. You might say, “I understand that school is making you feel stressed/anxious, and I want to help.”

#2: Collaborate with the School

Once you have some insight into the issues, it’s important to communicate with the school. Teachers, counsellors, and administrators can be valuable allies in helping your child feel more comfortable. They may also provide accommodations, such as adjusted workloads, school attendance variation plans or extra support, to ease your child’s anxiety. The goal here is to establish one uniting team!

 **Action Step:** Schedule a meeting with the school to create a supportive plan for your child, addressing both academic and emotional needs. It’s best your child does not attend this meeting, to allow open and honest communication of parents and teachers. However, there’s a nice saying I like to offer when it comes to decision making for children: “Nothing about me, without me”. Meaning, make time to chat with your child before and after the meeting and regularly keep them in the loop to seek their input and suggestions.

#3. Create a Morning Routine

Anxiety can sometimes be managed by establishing a structured and predictable routine. Having a clear and calm morning routine can help reduce anxiety triggers.

**Action Step:** Work together to create a structured morning schedule that includes time for relaxation, perhaps with calming music or breathing exercises, before school. Visual cues are known to be well received by children.

#4. Gradual Exposure to School

For some children, the idea of going back to school can feel overwhelming. A gradual return to school or even just the idea of school might help reduce anxiety. Start by driving past the school and waving or visiting for short periods before building up to full attendance. What we’re looking for is SMALL progress steps, not perfection. This will take time, so be sure to set some realistic expectations with yourself and those around you who may be impacted.

**Action Step:** Try a gradual reintegration plan that it tailor made to your child – allowing your child to start by attending school for a few hours or specific classes and gradually increase the time they spend there. Be clear with pickup and drop off expectations and time frames.

#5. Address Underlying Mental Health Concerns

Sometimes school refusal may be a symptom of a larger mental health concern, such as generalised anxiety, depression, or even trauma. Consider reaching out to a mental health professional who specialises in children and adolescents to assess and address any underlying conditions.

**Action Step:** Seek therapy or counselling for your child if necessary. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is particularly effective in helping children manage anxiety related to school.

#6. Encourage Social Connections

Loneliness and social anxiety can exacerbate school refusal. Help your child form or strengthen social connections outside of the school environment. This could help them feel less isolated and more supported when they return to school. It’s amazing what make friends and social connections can do!

**Action Step:** Arrange playdates, extracurricular activities, or group outings with classmates to ease the transition back into a social setting.

#7. Reinforce Positives and Celebrate Small Wins

Focus on celebrating your child’s progress, no matter how small. Each step they take toward attending school is a victory, even if it’s just getting dressed in the morning or walking into the school building.

**Action Step:** Offer praise and rewards for attending school or even smaller steps in the right direction. This could be something simple, like spending extra time doing an activity they enjoy.

#8. Model Calm and Consistency

Children often take cues from their parents’ reactions. Stay calm and composed when discussing school attendance, even if you feel frustrated and upset. Consistency in your approach will help your child feel more secure and less anxious.

 **Action Step:** Keep a consistent tone when talking about school and set realistic expectations for attendance. Reiterate that school is a place to learn, play and make friends and the teachers are there to educate, support and listen. Avoid arguments or power struggles, which can heighten anxiety.

#9. Explore Alternative Schooling Options

In cases where traditional schooling continues to pose a significant challenge, exploring alternative schooling options might be helpful. This could include homeschooling, online classes, or therapeutic schools that focus on mental health.

**Action Step:** Research alternative schooling options if traditional environments continue to be overwhelming, but make sure to discuss these choices with a professional who understands your child’s needs.

#10. Practice Patience and Persistence

Addressing school refusal can take time, and progress may not be linear. It’s important to be patient and recognise that your child may need more time than anticipated to feel comfortable again. Persistence and a calm, understanding approach are key.

Supporting a child through school refusal is an emotional journey, but with time, compassion, patience, and collaboration, it’s possible to help your child regain their confidence and comfort in the school setting. Always remind them that their feelings are valid and that, together, you will work through these challenges.

If school refusal is a frequent issue, seeking the advice of a mental health professional can make a significant difference in creating a tailored plan for your child.

How to Access a Psychologist at CQ Psych Services:

• Contact us directly by calling 07 4972 6929 or email admin@cqpsychservices.com.au
• Ask your GP or health professional to refer you to our clinic.
• Come in and see our friendly staff at Shop 1 & 2, 13 Tank Street, Gladstone QLD 4680.
• Visit our website and complete a ‘Request an Appointment’ form and one of our friendly staff will reply to your enquiry. Website: https://cqpsychservices.com.au/

Author: Jessica Butler

Practice Manager